Past tense, Future Perfect

 Go on an Historical Ghost Tour

On this date go on an interesting historical ghost tour. But before you venture out on this date, make sure you leave any "ghosts" (or in this case) "conflict problems", in the past and not in the present. It is important that you do not go on this date with any current conflict- leave it in the past- because it will be a conflict free zone! For future dates it would also be helpful to apply this concept as well. When you go on dates together make that time strictly free of conflict. Only focus on the two of you, having fun, and deepening your love. Those are your three main goals. And if something does need to be resolved wait until you are back on neutral ground, somewhere each spouse feels comfortable and safe to talk about their issues calmly with one another. This will enhance your dates as you let it be a zone that is just for the two of you, and nothing else can get in the way!

While on this date learn how to leave certain things in the past. When you want to communicate with your spouse and tension builds up, Like bringing up old problems, or revisiting a conflict that was already resolved, it is not a healthy solution for communicating. When conflicts have been resolved previously and apologies were made, along with forgiveness accepted, do not bring up the past - this rule of thumb helps alleviate future problems from occurring. If couples keep their problems pent up inside eventually one or both of them will explode, this is not effective either. The best solution is to make sure that each spouse gets a turn to communicate their feelings/problems, etc. and that a goal is then reached on how to continue to solve conflicts together in the future.

"You have brains in your head

You have feet in your shoes

You can steer yourself any direction you choose

You're on your own 

And you know what you know 

And YOU are the one who will decide where to go"

- Dr. Seuss

From this quote it can be put quite simply that as a couple you should both be on the same path that leads to your future success. Let that path be guided through happiness and growth, while avoiding the path that leads to the past.

Talk as Friends

Out of all marital topics, nurturing your freindship should be one of the top on your list! If it's not, then here is what you can do as a couple to talk as friends.

Too often couples are only focusing on talking all about the business of life: the job, the kids, and the problems. Of course these need to be handled but it is also important to make time to simply talk as friends first. These discussions were the ones that drew you into one another in the first place! set aside a day each week to have "friend time" and protect it from issues, conflict, and negativity.

Use these pointers to help guide your efforts for effective friend time:

- Look at your spouse while they talk, give them your full attention

- Avoid giving unsolicited advice 

- Communicate your understanding on occasion

- Take your spouse's side

- Avoid interrupting or rebutting

- Express affection

- Validate emotions

Remember that you are friends first, then spouses

Keep that bond close always and forever.

Of course there is past tension

but there is also a future filled with perfect moments

waiting to be enjoyed not just endured!